Spring Break

Yes it's that time of year again. I'm on vacation. I haven't had the desire to do much besides sleep.

I woke up today, put on my running clothes and promptly went back to bed. I do want to go running, but sleeping is more comfy. I have had this nagging cough for the past week as well. The problem is that it gets worse at night which forces me to take medicine and that makes me drowsy in the mornings so I don't go running. This cough needs to go away already.

Until then, I will sleep which is fine by me :)

I Miss My Gamu

It's been almost a month since my dog Gamu(za) died. How do I feel? At times I'm still quite sad about it. It creeps up and overwhelms me.

I've had pets almost my entire life, so of course I've gone through similar situations. This one feels different though. Gamu was a dog who found her way to me by chance. She was an older dog to begin with and her previous home was about to get rid of her. She slept inbetween greasy mechanic car parts and they just couldn't take care of her anymore. When Gamu arrived at my house, my mother didn't want to keep her. She might claim otherwise now, but at the time she wanted Gamu returned to sender. I walked to my room, Gamu followed me and that was that.

She was a bit scary looking when she first arrived. They had pretty much shaved her fur off because it was all knotted. She looked like a rat. But her dog hair grew back, long and beautiful. The one thing everyone always noticed about her was her tongue....it stuck out because she was missing all, but 2 teeth. She also had a bad ear infection, pseudomona all over her back, was blind, arthritic and pooped blood (which we would find out 3 years later was caused by foreign objects in her intestine). To say this dog had gone through a lot is an understatement. But she was taken care of , loved and had a good life with me for 4 years.

What saddens me is the way she died, my out-of-characer reaction and my inability to have done anything about it. I don't like thinking about it and try my best to bury it. But like I said, it creeps up on me. I understand that my reaction was not typical because of insomnia and I shouldn't beat myself up about having thought and said things. Even so, my irrational side carries guilt over it. I'm human and have guilt. And Gamu didn't deserve the end she had.

I miss you Gamu and I'm sorry. RIP

My Life Is...

My life is....what is my life? crazy maybe? unusual.

I got home from work. Picked up the recycling bins because they were blocking a parking space. As I'm taking them to the back, I guess I scared the chickens a bit too much. The little chick somehow flew over the cement fence and landed in my neighbor's yard. Awesome!

So I trespass (there was no one home) and try to get the chick. Picture me, running around my neighbor's backyard with a fishing net trying to catch a c.h.i.c.k.e.n to my mother's voice saying "No lo pises!" I finally grabbed him and look at the pool. There was a bird in the pool. I first thought it was swimming, but I got closer and saw that it was a baby Changa drowning. Grabbed that bird and got out of my neighbor's house.

In my backyard I let the chick go because mother hen was going to attack me. And the baby changa didn't want to let go! I think it drank too much chlorine because other baby changas that I've tried to help just run-bounce-fly away....this one had a good hold around my fingers. I put it on a fallen branch, went inside, started to change into exercise clothes and I managed to put my pants on, backwards.

Backwards! Not inside out...backwards.

A Change...maybe...

Life has been so up and down lately, sometimes I don't know what to make of it all. In all honesty, sometimes it makes me feel a bit insane.

Since my last blog, I'd been bombarded with unnecessary stress. I don't typically sweat the small things, but when people around me constantly compare, judge, scold or whatever, I'm forced into the middle of it and brings me down. There is always a better way of communicating your issue or point of view and no need to demoralize the other person.

I'm realizing that I've become (or am becoming) more sensitive to events which normally I would've never given a second thought. Now, I don't know if that's just a sign of getting older or a side effect of my surroundings. Not that I was a complete insensitive ass before, but it definitely was a hell of a lot easier to not give a damn...to say, "fuck it" and not skip a beat...and overall smell the bullshit a mile away and not let it get to me.

Like I said, life has been pretty up and down. I definitely have to find my middle ground faster so I'm not bogged down by crap for too long. And just put things into perspective....be mindful and thankful. Some of you friends out there know what I'm talking about and I completely appreciate the talks we've had.

Thank you, "RD", "SASSAS", "TG", "CBC", "BMcD", "JDV" and "CLD".
HOLLER!!!