I Miss My Gamu

It's been almost a month since my dog Gamu(za) died. How do I feel? At times I'm still quite sad about it. It creeps up and overwhelms me.

I've had pets almost my entire life, so of course I've gone through similar situations. This one feels different though. Gamu was a dog who found her way to me by chance. She was an older dog to begin with and her previous home was about to get rid of her. She slept inbetween greasy mechanic car parts and they just couldn't take care of her anymore. When Gamu arrived at my house, my mother didn't want to keep her. She might claim otherwise now, but at the time she wanted Gamu returned to sender. I walked to my room, Gamu followed me and that was that.

She was a bit scary looking when she first arrived. They had pretty much shaved her fur off because it was all knotted. She looked like a rat. But her dog hair grew back, long and beautiful. The one thing everyone always noticed about her was her tongue....it stuck out because she was missing all, but 2 teeth. She also had a bad ear infection, pseudomona all over her back, was blind, arthritic and pooped blood (which we would find out 3 years later was caused by foreign objects in her intestine). To say this dog had gone through a lot is an understatement. But she was taken care of , loved and had a good life with me for 4 years.

What saddens me is the way she died, my out-of-characer reaction and my inability to have done anything about it. I don't like thinking about it and try my best to bury it. But like I said, it creeps up on me. I understand that my reaction was not typical because of insomnia and I shouldn't beat myself up about having thought and said things. Even so, my irrational side carries guilt over it. I'm human and have guilt. And Gamu didn't deserve the end she had.

I miss you Gamu and I'm sorry. RIP